The Perils and Complexities of Memory Recovery
- Steve Crabb
- Aug 6
- 5 min read
Navigating False Memories, Ethical Boundaries, and When to Say No
In the world of therapy and coaching, few topics are as emotionally loaded and professionally hazardous as memory recovery, particularly when it involves repressed memories of childhood trauma.
The idea has an undeniable pull. That somewhere deep in the unconscious lies a missing piece of the puzzle. That maybe, through hypnosis or NLP, we can bring hidden truths to light. And that doing so might offer a breakthrough or permanent resolution to someone’s suffering.
It’s compelling. And it’s potentially dangerous.
Because what appears to be a path toward healing is often a minefield of ethical risk, misjudgement, and unintended harm.
The Illusion of Certainty
Let’s be honest. Clients don’t always understand what they’re asking for. Recently, a practitioner I mentor shared a client request that sounds all too familiar.“I want to use hypnosis to recover repressed memories of childhood abuse.”
Now think about that.
It’s an emotionally loaded, high-stakes invitation to explore something with no verifiable basis, using methods that are deeply suggestible, with potentially life-altering consequences. Not only for the client, but for others involved in that memory narrative.
The unconscious mind doesn’t operate like a recording device. Memories aren’t stored and retrieved like files on a hard drive. They are reconstructed, influenced, distorted, and coloured by emotion, suggestion, and expectation.
Under hypnosis, a client can vividly re-experience things that didn’t happen and feel absolutely certain they’re real.
There are documented cases where clients under regression have “recalled” abuse that, upon investigation, never occurred. The emotional fallout? Devastating. Relationships ruined. Legal actions launched. And the practitioner, no matter how well-intentioned, ends up as the one who “led them there.”
Know When to Say No
This is where professional maturity comes in. Just because a client asks for something does not mean we’re obliged to say yes.
In fact, there are times when saying no is the most therapeutic and ethical choice you can make.
You are not a memory detective. You are not a trauma archaeologist. You are not there to validate someone’s assumptions or chase ghosts from the past to satisfy a narrative. You’re there to help them get better. And that starts with knowing your scope.
If a client brings something to you that is outside your training, outside your experience, or outside your ethical framework, you refer. You pause. You check your own motives. And you do not let your ego, or your desire to help, blind you to the risks.
Ecology Isn’t Optional
In NLP, we often discuss ecology. The idea that any intervention must be tested not only for its immediate effect, but for its long-term consequences on the client and their system as a whole.
That principle isn’t a throwaway line. It’s foundational.
When a client comes in presenting with anxiety, compulsive patterns, or unexplained emotional states, it’s natural for them to start linking those symptoms to possible past trauma. Especially if they’ve been reading pop psychology books, online forums, or trauma TikToks. They draw parallels. They speculate. They convince themselves that if they could just “get to the root,” they’d be free.
It’s tempting to go along with it. It flatters the practitioner. It creates the illusion of a dramatic breakthrough just around the corner.
But let’s be clear. Ecology means restraint. It means not chasing causes unless you know what to do with them. It means not unearthing things that can’t be verified, integrated, or resolved.
Before any intervention, particularly anything involving regression or memory work, you should be asking:
What impact will this have on the client long-term?
What if the memory is false?
What if this affects their relationships, career, or legal standing?
Do I have the skills to manage what might come up?
And crucially, is this even necessary?
Because here’s a hard truth. Not everything needs to be remembered to be healed.
Sometimes the best thing you can do for a client is help them let go of the need for a never-ending story and start building their capacity to respond in the present.
"Sometimes the best thing about the past is that it is over." Dr Richard Bandler
Forward, Not Backwards
NLP at its best is solution-focused. It doesn’t require a detailed historical excavation. It doesn’t insist on diagnosis or origin stories. It works with patterns, strategies, and outcomes.
I’ve helped thousands of people change long-standing problems like fears, compulsions, and trauma responses without ever needing to know the full backstory. Why? Because the pattern is active now. And if it’s active now, we can work with it.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to understand yourself. But when understanding turns into speculation, and speculation is mistaken for truth, you’re walking on very shaky ground.
What we want instead is a solid foundation. Behavioural change. Emotional resilience. The ability to choose new responses. That’s what frees people. Not the fantasy of recovering a missing piece of the puzzle.
Professional Integrity Over Performance
Some practitioners fall into the trap of wanting to be impressive. The deep work. The dramatic result. The breakthrough moment.
But good therapy isn’t always showy. Sometimes it’s quiet. Sometimes it’s incremental. Sometimes it’s as simple as helping someone respond differently to what’s happening right now, not chasing what may or may not have happened thirty years ago.
Your job is not to impress your client. Your job is to serve their outcome, protect their wellbeing, and operate within the boundaries of your skill set.
If that means saying, “This is outside what I’m trained to do,” then say it.
If that means redirecting them toward a trauma-informed specialist, do it.
And if that means challenging their assumptions about what they think they need, that’s part of the work too.
Final Thoughts: Keep It Clean
Hypnosis and NLP are powerful. But power without precision is reckless.
We don’t deal in magic. We deal in process, structure, and transformation. That work requires discipline, clarity, and a deep respect for the unconscious mind, not as a source of hidden truth, but as a system that responds to language, meaning, and experience.
False memories are not just theoretical risks. They’re real. And they can do real harm.
So before you open up someone’s internal world in search of something buried, ask yourself why, ask yourself what for, and ask yourself what happens if you’re wrong.
Sometimes the most therapeutic thing you can do is stay in the present.
Want to discover more about the Client Journey and add to your skill sets? Then check out the Advanced MasterCLASS in Transformative Sessions, September 2025
📅 Date: Saturday 6th & Sunday 7th September 1 pm till 7 pm UK time
📍 Location: Online Zoom Live Training)
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I found this post very relevant thanks for posting.